Some Kind of Monster
by Soul Reaver
Summary: Yet another act of the GI Joe Talent Show. Footloose sings the Metallica song in the title and mayhem, mauling, insanity and destruction all occur.


Some Kind of Monster

Disclaimer: I don't own the Metallica lyrics or the GI Joe franchise. Red Witch created the Misfits.

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"Dare I ask what is on this tape?" Hawk asked, as he crawled free of the wreckage of the stage, "This entry is from Footloose. Because he's in the hospital right now he can't be here."

"Oh go ahead and play it, sir, there's no way that a video tape can do nearly as much damage as some of the other Talent Show acts." Scarlett said, looking straight at Shipwreck, Alpine, Bazooka, and Ace.

"What! Barbeque's act caused more destruction than we did!" Shipwreck protested.

"Let's not forget Leatherneck and Wetsuit, shall we?" Alpine added.

"And what about Roadblock's act?" Ace added.

"Firefly just happened to be there…." Scarlett countered.

"ENOUGH!" Hawk shouted, "Now let's all just be mature adults and watch Footloose's tape."

Hawk popped in the tape and on it were Lance on back up guitar, Toad on the drums, and Pietro on base. Footloose, decked out in Metallica attire stepped out onto the stage.

"Wait a minute?" Duke shouted, "What about the mission the kids were supposed to be on…?"

Just then Beach Head in a steel cage could be seen on screen. Just out of reach was a familiar teddy bear in camouflage utilities and boots.

"Oh no…" Duke moaned.

The kids had the teleporter watch on both Sergeant Snuffles and the bear and then teleported them to the COBRA base they were supposed to attack. The screen suddenly split in half, the top half showing the guys on their instruments, lead by Footloose, and the bottom showing the teleportation's effects.

Onscreen Zartan could be seen holding the teddy bear, "What's this stupid thing…?"

"Take your hands off my teddy bear…" Beach Head hissed from the cage.

"Aww…" Monkeywrench said, "Does Beach Head miss his teddy-weddy…."

"GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF SERGEANT SNUFFLES! I'LL KILL YOU ALL!!!!!! AARRRAAGGGH!!" Beach Head shouted.

Suddenly Beach Head grew two feet taller, his clothing tearing and distorting, his skin turning green and scaly, his face extending and his mouth growing and fangs as long as human forearms coming out of his mouth. A red siren grew on top of his head, flashing as the cage's bars buckled and finally snapped.

"These are the eyes that can't see me. These are the hands that drop your trust. These are the boots that kick you around. This is the tongue that speaks on the inside. These are the ears that ring with hate. This is the face that'll never change. This is the fist that grinds you down. This is the voice of silence no more." Footloose sang as the others rocked on.

Meanwhile at the bottom of the screen, Beach Head is running rampant through the COBRA base. He drop kicks the nearest Viper, picks up a BAT, airplane spins and body slams it onto the ground.

Five COBRA soldiers, led by Road Pig, try to gun him down. Unfortunately the scaly skin is as tough as adamantium and Beach Head throws back his head, roars, picks up the nearest COBRA soldier and bites him in half.

"Uh oh…" Road Pig begins. Beach Head stomped another COBRA soldier, picked up a second and punted him like a football until he flew out of a window.

"GIVE ME BACK SERGEANT SNUFFLES!!!!!" Beach Head shouted and held his hands apart and smashed them together like two cymbals, smashing Road Pig's skull between them.

Buzzer was hit by Road Pig's flying eyeball and turned away, running, holding his arms in the air screaming, "AIEEEEE!!!!!! HELP! HELP!"

"These are the legs in circles run. This is the beating you'll never know. These are the lips that taste no freedom. This is the feel that's not so safe. This is the face that you'll never change. This is the god that ain't so pure. This is the god that is not pure. This is the voice of silence no more." Footloose sang.

At the screen's bottom Beach Head picked up Buzzer and snapped him in half. Torch comes running at him with the flame thrower and tries to set Beach Head on fire. Unfortunately the monster is totally unaffected.

"Yipe…" Torch began as Beach Head lifted him into the air, spun him four times and hurled him right into Monkey wrench. As the two guys try to untangle themselves, Beach Head stomped on them, and then wiped their mortal remains from the bottom of his shoes.

"We the people. Are we the people? Some kind of monster. This monster lives…" Footlose began to sing.

Beach Head, meanwhile, lifted Zartan into the air and then slammed him into the ground, feet first so that he was stuck in the ground while he was still alive. He then grabbed a section of lead pipe, stood in a classic Tiger Woods posed and cocked his arms back.

"FORE!" Beach Head shouts and hit Zartan so hard that his head went flying into the air like a gory golf ball that lands right into the lap of Serpentor.

"Get him Crimson Guards, this I command!" Serpentor ordered.

Meanwhile, Footloose sings, "This is the face that stones you cold. This is the moment that needs to breathe. These are the claws that scratch these wounds. This is the pain that never leaves. This is the tongue that whips you down. This is the burden of every man. These are the screams that pierce your skin. This is the voice of silence no more."

The Beach Head Monster tore a swath through the Crimson Guard. He spat out tongues of fire from his mouth and clawed apart another Crimson Guard the gets too close.

"GIVE ME BACK SERGEANT SNUFFLES!!!" Beach Head shouts.

Serpentor realized that along with Zartan's severed head, there was also a teddy bear in camouflage fatigues and shiny black boots.

"AARRROUUGAHHH!!!" Beach Head shouted as he ripped another Crimson Guard in half.

"This is the test of flesh and soul. This is the trap that smells so good. This is the flood that drains these eyes. These are the looks that chill to the bone. These are the fears that swing over head. These are the weights that hold you down. This is the end that will never end. This is the voice of silence no more." Footloose sang.

Serpentor tried to run but tripped over his cape and within seconds Beach Head was on his back, dismembering him. In the middle of several dead and severed bodies, the Beach Head Monster hugged his teddy bear.

"We the people Are we the people? Some kind of monster. This monster lives…" Footloose sings. As he sings he accidentally steps on top of a teleportation trigger, sending the Beach Head Monster back into the sound stage.

This is the cloud that swallows trust. This is the black that uncolors us. This is the face that you hide from. This is the mask that comes undone." Footloose continues to sing unaware that Sergeant Snuffles has mysteriously materialized into his arms.

"Ominous. I'm in us." Footloose sings and then notices his band has run off, "Guys, where are you…"

Finally there is a moment of dawning comprehension when Footloose realizes his holding Sergeant Snuffles…

"Mother…" Footloose groans as the Beach Head Monster springs atop him. They can hear screaming and the sound of a savage beating going on as the Beach Head Monster set upon him.

"That was disturbing." Falcon remarked as the tape was turned off.

"I lost my appetite." Bazooka remarked.

"Is Footloose still in a body cast, Lifeline?" someone else asked.

"Note to self, next time a target needs destruction, just teleport Beach Head's teddy bear into it with the Mass Device, teleport Beach Head over there, and then watch the fun." Duke groaned.

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The End. 


End file.
